Lather, rinse, repeat!
by Mozart's Alla Turca
Summary: Everything in Nerima is running as smoothly as possible. Smoothly, that is, until a new Amazon arrives, desperate to kill Shampoo and win Mousse's love! And she can't even speak Japanese! *COMPLETED*
1. Conditioner!

Disclaimer: Although I would love to, I do NOT own Ranma 1/2 or ANY of it's characters.   
  
KEY:  
*text*=thoughts  
[text]=Chinese  
**   
** It was an ordinary day in Nerima. Or as close to ordinary as it could get living in a town filled with martial artists. With that established, it was pretty much normal. Ranma and Akane walk to school. Shampoo comes in on one of her bike-riding escapades and starts clinging to Ranma. Mousse runs up attacking Ranma for getting that close to Shampoo. Akane mallets Ranma. Ranma tries to shove Shampoo off while Mousse starts attacking with some random weapon, or two, or four, or ten. At least, that's how it started...  
  
**Chapter 1   
**How dare you touch my precious Shampoo? You shall PAY for it Ranma Saotome!!! Mousse cried, as he shot out a series of knives, chains, and other oddly assorted armaments. In a matter of seconds, Ranma was tied up and pinned to the fence. Ranma said, a huge sweatdrop forming. Shampoo let out a loud, high-pitched scream. MUU TSU!!!!!   
  
Forgetting his restrained opponent, Mousse ran over to Shampoo and grasped her by the shoulders. Is there anything I can do for you, my darling? Shampoo gave him the look that said, You're a total idiot, get away from me' and grabbed the nearest heavy object, slamming him on the head. Stupid Mousse, she said, very childishly sticking out her tongue. **  
**  
Sometime during this transaction, Ranma had freed himself. Come on Akane, let's get away from these goons. Whatever Ranma As they start to continue on their way to school, Mousse runs up to Akane and glomps her. Why have you done this to me Shampoo? Just before Ranma and Akane could simultaneously pound him into the ground, a voice could be heard yelling in the distance.  
  
Shampoo and Mousse turned around to listen because they had nothing better to do. Ranma and Akane just turned around as an excuse to be even later for school. Did anyone even understand what they were yelling? They all shook their heads. Shampoo no know. I do not know either Ranma Saotome. As they were about to resume whatever they had been doing before, they heard it again. This time they could understand it.   
  
XIAN PU!!! All four of them whipped around to face the owner of the voice. They could make out a sillouhette on one of the rooftops. Before they had anytime to look at it, the figure jumped off, performing several frontflips, landing gracefully at their feet.   
  
At first glance she could only be described as cute; or adorable. She was wearing long, flowing red-silk robes and black-silk pants underneath them. The red complimented her orchid hair well. Her hair wasn't quite as long as Shampoo's, as it came only to her elbows. Some of the hair was pulled back into a ponytail. And probably the first thing you would notice about her were her eyes. They were bright green, going well with her piercing gaze.  
  
Shampoo recognized the girl the very moment she had landed. Shampoo's eyes widened with delight as she ran up to greet the newly arrived Amazon. The two had bee best friends since before they could remember. But before Shampoo could get close enough even for a Nihao', the girl was in the air and pulling a machine gun seemingly out of nowhere all in one swift movement.   
  
And then she opened fire on Shampoo. Being the martial artist that she was, Shampoo was able to dodge all the bullets but one, which had only grazed her shoulder. Before she fired the second round, Shampoo yelled for her to stop. Being one year younger than Shampoo and very naive, the girl did so. She just stopped. Mousse awoke from his stupor and ran over to the two Amazon women and stepped between them. Mousse, what you do? This fight between womans! I'm sorry Shampoo, but I must know what this fiend is doing!  
  
The girl gave them a quizzical look and it took Ranma to tell them, since he was the only one with an IQ above 50. Hey, guys! I don't think she speaks Japanese! He muttered something under his breath about stupid Amazons while Akane tried to stifle a laugh. Mousse turned to a statue. Thank you, Ranma.  
  
Then he redirected his attention back at the young woman. [Who are you and what do you have against Shampoo?] The girl apparently understood and nodded her head. [I am Kon Di Xian Ur. The Amazon elders were ashamed at Xian Pu's failure to kill Ranma. To make up for Xian Pu's mistake, they sent me to kill her so that she would take her failure with her to her grave. Then I was instructed to kill Ranma and regain our tribe's pride.]   
  
It took a while for this to sink in. Then Shampoo spoke. [So you have come to eliminate me, Kon di?] Kon Di Xian Ur nodded again, with sad resolution in her eyes. Akane and Ranma finally spoke up. Um, what's going on? Mousse, being better at speaking Japanese, translated for them. This is Kon Di Xion Ur. Ranma interrupted. Mousse rolled his eyes at Ranma's inability to pronounce Chinese names. He then launched into an explanation of everything else Conditioner had said.   
  
At last, the three Amazons got back to what they were discussing. [I'm sorry, Kon Di, but I can't allow you to kill Shampoo. I love her.] Shampoo took this as an opportunity smack Mousse. Conditioner's eyes widened. [Muu Tsu???] [Um, yes?] Her eyes lit up. [It is you! I hardly recognized you! Muu Tsu!] Conditioner glomped Mousse. All Mousse could think was: *Well, this is a first...*  
  
  
A/N- Yes, yes, I know it was really confusing, or is at the moment at least, but I promise you'll understand in the next chapter! It does eventually have a story, this chapter was kind of here just to introduce my character. Kon Di is her Chinese nick name, but everyone else just knows her as conditioner. And her inability to speak Japanese might be a bit of a problem later on...I'm telling a little much, just wait and see! Please review, no flames! Thanks! ^_^


	2. You turn into a WHAT?

Disclaimer: Once again, Ranma 1/2 belongs to the wonderful Rumiko Takahashi, NOT ME!  
  
*text*=thoughts  
[text]=Chinese  
  


**Chapter 2  
**

Oh, Shampoo, what did you get yourself into this time? Cologne was busy disinfecting the small wound on Shampoo's shoulder. It Kon Di, great-grandmother. She attack Shampoo with a.....machine gun... The more Shampoo thought about this, the more ridiculous it sounded to her.  
  
Cologne sighed and shook her head. This is strange Shampoo. A machine gun? That doesn't sound very much like Kon Di Xion Ur to me...and robes? Sounds more like Mousse than your old friend. Speaking of Mousse, where is he? I need him to clean up shop, it's after closing time. She shook her head again and muttered something to herself about foolish men with no respect for their elders.  
  
At that moment, Mousse came home. Cologne's eyes widened and Shampoo started cracking up. Mousse was just standing there, with Conditioner hugging him around the waist. It didn't look like she was going to let go.  
  
Meanwhile, Mousse's mind was working like crazy. *But I love Shampoo! But a cute girl's hugging me! But I love Shampoo! But a cute girl's hugging me! But I love Shampoo! But a cute girl's hugging me!*   
  
Shampoo couldn't stop laughing. Mousse's voice faltered. Er, I'll clean up now... He grabbed the broom and began to sweep. But Conditioner was still glomping him, so it was pretty difficult. And the whole time, Conditioner was saying over and over again, Muu Tsu! Muu Tsu! Muu Tsu! Shampoo doubled up with laughter and fell to the floor.  
  
Cologne clapped her hands. Enough! [Kon Di, please let go of Muu Tsu! I need him to work!] Shampoo regained composure and brushed the dirt off of her clothes. Conditioner giggled. [Ooh, does Muu Tsu have a job? And he gets paid?] [No. Now let go of him]   
  
Conditioner began to pout. She was apparently so busy swooning over Mousse, she had forgotten her whole reason for being in Japan: To kill Shampoo and Ranma. Cologne obviously realized this and took the opportunity to work this to her advantage. She would get Mousse to like Conditioner, the two would go back to China, and Shampoo could win Ranma's affection without anyone in the way! *Unless I count the tomboy and spatula girl, but I don't think that's too much of a problem*  
  
Great-grandmother, Shampoo go find Airen now! With that, Shampoo jumped out the door. SHAMPOO! Don't leave me here with....them! Mousse jumped off after her. Conditioner started crying until Cologne threw her out the door. And of course, she landed on top of Mousse and started hugging him again. [Muu Tsu...] Mousse sweatdropped. *Ah! She won't leave! But....she's....hugging me again...But I love Shampoo! But a cute girl's hugging me!*  
  
They happened to come at the right time, just when Ranma and Akane were returning from school. Ranma looked up to see a pretty funny sight: Shampoo waving on her bicycle, Mousse just a few jumps behind, seeming to be giving conditioner a piggy back ride. Conditioner was waving too. [Hey look, Muu Tsu! It's the people from before!]  
  
Shampoo glomped Ranma. Akane got a huge sweatdrop and began pounding Ranma into the ground. YOU STUPID STUPID IDIOT!!! RANMA!!! Conditioner (who was still on top of Mousse by the way) heard the name Ranma and seemed to remember she was supposed to kill him. She pulled out a revolver. [Ranma, prepare to die!] Mousse sighed. [Get in line, Kon Di] Ranma just looked confused, seeing Mousse speaking Chinese to a threatening looking person with a gun.   
  
Akane and Ranma just looked at her in awe. WAIT WAIT! DON'T SHOOT ME! Conditioner looked confused. [Hey Muu Tsu, watch! I've been brushing up on my Japanese! I'll try to say something to him!] She cleared her throat looked straight at Ranma and said, I am swimming in peanut butter. She looked very proud of herself, and Shampoo started laughing again.   
  
She seemed ready to try again. Do you mind if I punch this squid? Ranma and Akane joined in the laughter. Mousse just stood there. *But I love Shampoo! But a cute girl's hugging me! But I love Shampoo! But a cute girl's hugging me!*  
  
Suddenly, and without warning, it began to rain. There was a thud and Conditioner was sprawled out on the ground on top of a duck. There seemed to be a red-head nearby screaming about cats being the spawn of Satan, and a small pink cat on top of the girls head purring. The only person still there as a human was Akane.  
  
Conditioner started crying. [Where did Muu Tsu go! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!] Mousse quacked underneath her. *But I love Shampoo! But a cute girl's sitting on me! But I love Shampoo! But a cute girl's sitting on me!* Akane tried to comfort the girl even though she had no idea what the girl was saying. Sssh sssh sssh! It's okay, it's okay! Conditioner seemed to calm down a bit, and through her sobs Akane heard her say, You are like mud, short and brown.   
  
  
  
A/N- And there's chapter 2! It was kind of short considering all the other stuff I still need to explain about her! But pretty much, she's kind of immature. And don't worry, she doesn't have a curse nor will she ever get one. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review my story! I love to read them! 


	3. Oh, I get it!

Disclaimer: Me again! and I don't own Ranma 1/2! No one sue me!  
  
*text*=thoughts  
[text]=Chinese  
  
**Chapter 3**  
**  
** Akane, Conditioner, and the now female Ranma walked into the Tendo dojo. Akane was carrying Shampoo, who was a cat, and Ranma was carrying the duck. Conditioner didn't know what to make of this. She was in a strange house, with people she didn't know, and she couldn't communicate with them.   
  
The three humans sat down with the cat and duck. Conditioner sniffled a little and murmered something about Muu Tsu. Akane, who is your new friend? Kasumi walked in smiling, and she just happened to have made some tea. Akane looked at the Amazon and replied, This is Conditioner. Kasumi's smile grew wider as she leaned over to greet the newcomer.  
  
Well hello Conditioner. I'm Kasumi! Would you like some tea? She can't speak Japanese, Kasumi. Conditioner took this as another opportunity to speak with these people. May I chew on your cat? Kasumi looked kind of confused before looking down at Shampoo.   
  
Then Nabiki walked in. Who's this? Ranma then turned to the sisters and explained why she was here. You see? Nabiki shook her head. Wait, she's obsessed with Mousse? Ranma and Akane nodded. Nabiki laughed for a minute then realized something. So why isn't she all over him now? She nodded over at duck-Mousse and he got a sweatdrop. She doesn't know about Jusenkyo. Ranma informed her.  
  
Apparently Nabiki saw this as an oppourtunity to gain some money, but Akane seemed to have realized this. Ranma, we gotta tell her somehow! Without shocking her though... Well, why don't we just show her? He picked up the duck off the floor. Akane shook her head. No, I'm pretty sure that would shock her...  
  
Akane turned back to Conditioner. *Hmm, lets see, I studied some Chinese in grade school...* Okay, lets try this! [Jusenkyo water form] Conditioner looked kind of confused for the thousandth time that day, before her eyes widened. [Jusenkyo!?] Akane nodded. The events of that day flashed through Conditioner's mind.   
  
She looked at the duck and grabbed him. [where is the bathroom?] Akane understood the word and pointed down the hall. Conditioner ran off, filled a bath with water and threw the duck in, to see if her hunch was correct. Sure enough, seconds later the duck was replaced by a now clothless Mousse.  
  
[Erm, hi Kon Di...] Conditioner's smile came back and she jumped into the tub to glomp Mousse. [Muu Tsu! You poor baby! You have to turn into a duck!] At that moment a little pink cat walked in on this scene and jumped in with them. It was quickly replaced with Shampoo  
  
[What are you two doing?] Mousse got all flustered at the fact that neither he nor Shampoo had any clothes on. [Um...um...I'm not a duck anymore, and...um...she was....she just...] Shampoo rolled her eyes. [That's not what I meant! Like I care! I just meant to wait till we get back home to OUR bathtub!  
  
Conditioner was still smiling. [Okay Xian Pu! Let's go home Muu Tsu.] Just as she was going to jump out, Soun Tendo conveniently walked in and just stared at them. Kasumi walked in to see what was taking so long. Oh my! Kasumi called for Ranma and Akane. Ranma, could you lend Mousse some of your clothes? And Akane, could you get some of yours for Shampoo?   
  
  
  
A/N- Hmmm, was that short or what? Or was it? I don't know! You have to review and tell me!!! ^_^  



	4. Cat Cafe

Disclaimer: You know the drill. It's not mine (except Kon Di! ^_^) so PLEASE don't sue me!  
  
*text* = thoughts  
[text] = Chinese  
  
**Chapter 4  
  
**_[Xian Pu! I haven't seen you since...um...yesterday!] An orchid haired three year old ran up to a blue/violet haired four year old. [Kon Di! Do you want to go play with the elders today?] She smiled brightly at the orchid haired child. [Ok Xian Pu! Let's be best friends forever!] The two started running off. [Should we go find Muu-Tsu?] [Yeah! He'd love to come with us for this one!] The two giggled and ran off looking for their other companion.   
  
_[Kon Di? You still awake?] Conditioner's eyes snapped open. Stifling a yawn, she mumbled something unintelligible. Why did they have to wake her up? She had been having a nice dream about their childhood...oh well, it was in the past now.  
  
[We're home Kon Di.] Once again, Conditioner looked up. She was getting another piggy-back ride from Mousse, but that was only because she had had such a long and tiring day. She had traveled most of the way from China, attacked several people, learned shocking secrets about her friends, and had still managed to stay awake long enough to eat dinner with the Tendos.  
  
Now they had arrived back at the Cat Cafe, Mousse and Shampoo still wearing their rival's clothing. [We'd better find you a place to sleep...] Cologne walked down the stairs to find the three in the front room. *Almost like when they were younger. oh, those three were quite the troublemakers in their day...* Cologne shook her head and went to greet them.  
  
[Welcome home Xian Pu, Kon Di, Muu-Tsu] The three bowed. [Thank you respected elder] Cologne smiled. *Now that's something they never would have said.* [Well Kon Di, I guess you may sleep in Shampoo's room, I'll go make you a bed.] Conditioner thanked her and followed Shampoo to her room.  
  
Once there, they soon had Conditioner a nice sleeping space. [Goodnight Xian Pu] [night Kon Di] Conditioner rolled over. [Can I ask you something, Xian Pu?] Shampoo said something into her pillow. [mmf] [Um, do you hate me?] Shampoo sat up, rubbed her shoulder, and gave Conditioner horse-shoe eyes. [Why would I hate you? You're the best friend I ever had!] The two smiled at each other and went to sleep.  
  


**~~*~~**Next Day~~*~~  


**  
**The sun shone in on Conditioner's pillow. She sat up and looked at the digital clock above Shampoo's bed. *Aiyaa! I must have been really tired last night to have slept in this late!* Yawning, Conditioner stretched out and walked down stairs in the pj's she borrowed from Shampoo. Of course, she did forget it was a resteraunt...  
  
[Good morning elder!] Cologne looked at Conditioner, and so did everyone else in the resteraunt. The men started cheering, their wives (if they had one) slapped them upside the head, the rest of the women either shook their heads or hid their children's eyes. Mousse gaped and Shampoo finally got a clue. Aiyaa! Kon Di! Conditioner looked around and started blushing.   
  
Shampoo started shoving her up the stairs. [What am I going to do with you?] Conditioner sighed. [I'm sorry Xian Pu, I'm not used to this.] They reached Shampoo's room and Conditioner unpacked the clothes she had brought. [Aiyaa, is that all you brought? Robes?] Conditioner chose to ignore this comment as she got dressed. [Honestly, Kon Di, if you're going to stay in Nerima you'd better learn how to act!]   
  
Conditioner looked at Shampoo. [Could you show me?] Shampoo thought for a moment. [All right, I guess we should catch up on some things...] [Yes! Yes! And Muu-Tsu can come with us!] Shampoo growled, but stopped as she noticed that Conditioner was about to start crying again. [All right, Muu-Tsu can come too.] [HOORAY!]  
  
A/N-Mwahahahahaha, what a wonderful way to end the chapter! Well, this chapter was kind of just here to emphasize their childhood. I'm going on a trip for a couple of days, so I posted this chapter now. Enjoy! PLEASE review! Pretty please?**  
  
**


	5. Ucchan's okonomiyaki

Disclaimer: I DON'T own Ranma 1/2 (is this really neccesary any more?)  
  
*text*=thoughts  
[text]=Chinese  
  
**Chapter 5  
  
**Shampoo, Mousse, and Conditioner were walking down the streets of Nerima. A very funny sight to anonymous passerby indeed. Conditioner was hanging all over Mousse's arm, pointing out random objects, saying things like, Ooooh! Turd! or What big feet you have!. Mousse was just kind of detached from the world. Shampoo was ignoring them both, but sniggering under her breath at all of Conditioner's out-of-place comments.  
  
That morning Shampoo had taught Conditioner Nerima's basics. Always glomp your loved one, don't go anywhere without a bicycle, be prepared to fight any rival for love, or any martial artist that lived there, and she had taught her how to materialize random buckets of water of different temperatures. (Well, these are Nerima's basics by Shampoo's standards)  
  
And so, the three were on their way to have a fun day to themselves. *And maybe I'll find Ranma!* Shampoo smiled to herself. Somewhere during the afternoon, they decided they were hungry and set off to find a resteraunt. And what do you know? They spotted Ucchan's Okonomiyaki right across the street! [Let's go there! Let's go there!] Conditioner was bouncing up and down all to happily.  
  
Hi, Welcome to Ucchan's! The special today is... Ukyo trailed off noticing who her customers were. She wasn't all that happy to see Shampoo, she didn't mind Mousse, but she didn't recognize that other person...  
  
Hello spatula girl. We is here for lunch Ukyo gave Shampoo a look that clearly said, don't you own your own resteraunt' but decided to let it slide, seeing as how Ran-chan wasn't here. Well, you three gonna order or what? Mousse seemed to come out of a daze as he shook his head. Hey, we're at the okonomiyaki place! Shampoo rolled her eyes.  
  
Ukyo sweatdropped. Oh, right. Mousse and Shampoo ordered the special, but Conditioner just kept sitting there smiling. Ukyo leaned over to her seat. Well, what'll it be, sugar? Conditioner smiled up at her and said, I love you. Would you like some soy sauce? Ukyo sweatdropped again.   
  
Eventually they all got it right and started eaing their food, that Ukyo had prepared in record time. So, who's the new one? Ukyo pointed at Conditioner. Mousse kind of off-handedly said, Oh, this is Kon Di Xian Ur. She came to kill Ranma and Shampoo. Ukyo shrugged. Is that all? Shampoo chimed in. No, she desperatly in love with Muu-Tsu, like my love for Ranma!  
  
Ukyo glared at Shampoo. I thought you loved Mousse! Shampoo hmphed and tossed her hair aside. Who love stupid, ugly, blind, duck-boy! Ukyo kind of cringed at the insults. *poor guy* Mousse got all teary and looked at Shampoo. Shampoo nodded. And you forget stupid, Stupid. Mousse started bawling. Oh, Shampoo! Why do you hate me!  
  
Suddenly Conditioner touched his face and looked at him meaningfully. Wo ai ni, Airen. Mousse looked at her in shock. *No one's....EVER said that to me!* [Er....Kon Di...I...I...] Shampoo smiled. [Aw, you are so cute together! Little duck-boy and...um....gun girl!] Conditioner shot her a look. Out from under her robes she pulled out another machine gun. [What did you say?]   
  
Ukyo, left in the dark, started to reach for the phone, for she had every intention of dialing 911. Until Ranma walked in with Akane. Um, Ukyo? What's going on? Ukyo threw her arms in the air. That's it! I can't take it! Here I am, trying to run a resteraunt, when in come these Chinese people who appear to have guns and are threatening each other and speaking their native language and I can't understand them and they order food which they haven't paid for yet and then they appear to have guns and start threatening each other and speaking their native language and I can't understand them and they order food which they haven't paid for yet and-  
  
Ranma and Akane cut off her incoherent babbling. Oh, sorry. Shampoo Mousse and Conditioner seemed to have frozen in their positions: Conditioner with a machine gun in Shampoo's face, Shampoo looking completely freaked out, and Mousse daydreaming about God knows what.  
  
Ranma walked over and attempted to pry the gun from Kon Di's hands. She wheeled on him, looking very menacing despite her small stature. She meant to say, Any closer and Shampoo dies but it kind of came out as, Any pickles and turtles ressurect  
Mousse came out of his daydream. [Ah! Kon Di! Why do you have a gun in Shampoo's face!?] Conditioner seemed to forget what she was doing and her gun disappeared. [Muu-Tsu!] She glomped him.   
  
Shampoo finally realized that Ranma was in the room. Airen! You come find Shampoo? So happy! Akane pounded Ranma with her mallet and Ukyo whipped out her spatula and hit Shampoo. Mousse jumped over to Shampoo with Conditioner around his waist. Oh Shampoo! The pain this pervayer of delicious food has inflicted upon you! Please don't die!   
  
Shampoo woke up in time to dump a bucket of water on Mousse. [Aw, ducky-Mousse is sooooo cute!] Conditioner huggled Mousse. Ukyo interrupted them. Ahem, you still haven't paid me! Shampoo snapped her fingers. [Muu-Tsu, where is the money I know you brought?] Shampoo went through his robes that were piled on the floor that he had been standing moments before he had been turned into a duck, courtesy of Jusenkyo and bucket space! Brought to you from the creators of mallet space!  
  
Mousse! There no is money in robes! Or weapons either, but that beside point! What kind of stupid man bring two lovely girl on date and no bring money?! Is too too pathetic! Mousse began a series of quacking that no one could understand before Conditioner remembered how to materialize some hot water. Mousse got up and put on his clothes in the blink of an eye.  
  
Here you go, Ukyo. Shampoo's eyes widened. Aiyaa! Where you get money? There no money when Shampoo check! Mousse smiled. Ah, but there weren't weapons either! Everyone gave him a weird look. Oh, never mind.  
  
Ranma and Akane finally sat down and ordered their food. Ukyo finally go paid. And just as they were leaving the resteraunt, Conditioner poured a bucket of cold water on Mousse. [Ducky-Muu-Tsu!] She glomped him and the three Amazons (Well, two Amazons and a duck) walked off towards the Neko-Hanten.  
  
A/N-Hey guess what? Starting next chapter, this story might actually have a real plot! Yay! Oh, and thanks to all my reviewers! You guys are the best! ^_^ (I tried to make this chapter a little longer than the others, did I do okay?)


	6. the funeral

Disclaimer: I don't own Ranma 1/2 blah blah blah blah blah...  
  
*text*=thoughts  
[text]=Chinese  
  
**Chapter 6  
  
** Kasumi, when's dinner! Ranma, Akane, Genma, Nabiki, and Soun were seated around the table. I'm starved! Sounds of scraping pans came from the kitchen. Just a minute everyone! It's almost ready! Ranma of course gets impatient and starts mumbling about yakisoba and takoyaki.  
  
And then another one of those huge holes formed in the wall as two Amazons burst in. One of them was crying hysterically while the other looked mad at having to come along. Conditioner ran up to Akane bawling. [Have you seen Muu-Tsu? WHERE'S MUU-TSU! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!]   
  
Shampoo didn't even glomp Ranma. Duck-boy is missing. He gone all day, not even write Shampoo or Kon Di note! Elder getting angry! Shampoo decided to seat herself next to Ranma, Akane and Kon Di. So what is we eating? Shampoo is hungry, out looking for Muu-Tsu all day...  
  
All right! It's ready! Kasumi walked in smiling with a covered tray in her hands. I hope everyone's hungry, I worked on this meal all day! She lifted the lid on her delicious smelling dish to reveal a fried duck, covered in bonito flakes. It appeared to be wearing thick glasses.  
  
Oh my God! Ranma and Akane looked at it in horror. Conditioner and Shampoo started screaming in Chinese. [What the hell! You killed Muu-Tsu!] [What are we going to do!?] [WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!] Soun spoke up. I will not see food wasted in my house! He and Genma dug in. No! What is you doing!  
  
By this point, half of the fried duck had been consumed by the hungry idiots. Ranma almost took a bite before Akane pounded him with mallet-sama. Kasumi uttered the only thing she could think to say. Oh my...  
  
~~~Later, at the funeral~~~  
  
All the martial artists in Nerima had arrived to say their final farewells to the departed myopic duck-boy. Even Ryoga had managed to find his way. They had left him as a duck because no one really wanted to see Mousse's half eaten corpse. So, it was a closed coffin ceremony, with his glasses on the lid.  
  
Ranma walked up to be the first to speak. What do I say about Mousse. Well, he was a good rival...and it's...really hard to believe that he's gone... He looked out at the group of well-wishers all in black. Well, I think...someone else should speak...  
  
Ryoga got up. Well, I didn't really know the guy too well, I was either lost..or something...but I'll miss you Mousse... At this point Ryoga starts crying like a little girl. Cologne got up. The only thing I have to say is this: The Cat Cafe is currently hiring. Thank you. She stepped down.  
  
Kasumi got up. Well....it was all...my fault...I'm sorry everyone... She to cried and waited for the next speaker. Shampoo got up to translate for Kon Di. Kon Di took a breath and began. (Shampoo translating) Conditioner loved Mousse so much. Mousse was one of Conditioner's best friends and Conditioner will never forget him. Conditioner's heart torn up and ripped to shreds. Even Shampoo sniffed. Conditioner sat down and it was finally Shampoo's turn.  
  
Shampoo will miss...stupid duck-boy... Suddenly Mousse walked in and started talking to a random tree. Have you seen my glasses ma'am? I seem to have lost them and I'm late for a funeral you see- Mousse was cut off by every single person within 10 feet glomping him.  
  
[Eeek! Muu-Tsu! You aren't dead! I was so worried Airen!] So you're alive m'boy! Never mind! The job opening's been filled! Suddenly some random person who was there spoke up. So who's in the coffin. They shrugged. I don't know, some duck  
  
Mousse looked up. He ran over and flung open the coffin.   
  
~~~Later, at Marty's funeral~~~  
  
Mousse got up to speak. Marty was the best stunt double I ever worked with...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N- Okay, I lied about the plot. But this stupid random idea popped into my head! And I found it funny! So I've got a better idea: instead of a plot, I'll do a whole bunch of short stories like this! If you think that's a bad idea or if you want me to go ahead and do it, YOU HAVE TO REVIEW AND TELL ME!  
  



	7. JERK!

Disclaimer: I SWEAR I don't own Ranma 1/2! WHY WON'T YOU BELIEVE ME!?  
  
*text*=thoughts  
[text]=Chinese  
  
**Chapter 1  
  
** We once again join our characters in the Cat Cafe. Conditioner had been staying in Nerima for about two months. Every day was the same old thing: Conditioner glomping Mousse, Mousse's brain shorting out, and Shampoo getting huffy and running off to find her And frankly, Mousse was getting sick of it.  
  
[Airen! Muu-Tsu! Good morning! Did you have a nice sleep? Oooh ooh! Let me brush your hair! Your hair is so long and pretty Muu-Tsu!] Mousse was staring into the mirror in his bathroom with bags under his eyes. He was attempting to brush his teeth around Kon Di's pestering.  
  
[What are you doing in my room.] Mousse said, with a mouthful of toothpaste. He didn't seem to be getting upset of bashful this morning, and Conditioner was obviously worried. [Muu-Tsu? Are you feeling okay?] She hopped in front of him and felt his forehead, a concerned look on her face. [You don't feel sick...]  
  
*Ah, she's so cute when she's worried. Oh well, today's the day I break the news to her. I'm deeply in love with Shampoo, and no one will come between our love!* [Muu-Tsu?] Kon Di's voice broke his concentration. Conditioner pouted. She hated when people spoke Japanese in front of her. It wasn't fair. Even if it was her Muu-Tsu. She and stomped out of the room.  
  
Mousse shrugged. *Oh well, now I can take care of my OWN personal hygiene...* His thoughts were cut off as Shampoo bounded into the room. Mousse, great-grandmother want talk to us. She sitting with Kon Di downstairs. With that she left. *Gone already. She never stays and talks to me.* Mousse returned to his mirror thinking that maybe today wasn't going to be so great after all...  
  
He didn't know how right he was. He walked downstairs to find Cologne, Shampoo, Ranma, Akane, Genma, Soun, Nabiki, Kasumi, Ukyo, Kuno, Kodachi, Hiroshi, Daisuke, Gosunkugi, Pantyhose Taro, and pretty much everyone even minutely having anything to do with him was sitting downstairs in their best clothing.  
  
Um....why are you here? And dressed up? As he looked he noticed that even Shampoo was wearing beautiful clothing. (A/N so was Cologne, but she wasn't really the first thing on his mind, ^^;) Suddenly Ryoga burst in. I made it! Good thing I got the wedding invitation 3 weeks ago...  
  
Mousse's eyes widened. Wedding? Who's getting married... Ukyo, Nabiki, Kasumi, Kodachi, and Akane ran up and grabbed him. They threw him into a dressing room. Ukyo shouted to the others. Quick! Find the groom's suit! Some one tossed it to them and they changed Mousse into formal apparel in record time.  
  
Before Mousse knew it, he was standing at an altar that had apparently appeared in the middle of the Cat Cafe. A priest had come with it. And so it was, Mousse was preparing himself to get married to some random person without his own consent. When the organ player(who had also appeared) began playing Here comes the bride.   
  
Mousse didn't trust himself to turn around. Was he marrying Shampoo? Was Cologne making him marry Kodachi or something? He shuddered at the thought. All he knew was he was scared to find out exactly who was walking down the aisle. When all of a sudden, he realized that it had to be the only person that wasn't gathered when he had first walked downstairs. That would mean...  
  
Slowly he turned around. Sure enough, Conditioner was walking down the aisle blushing in a gorgeous white dress. Mousse gaped in awe for a moment before realizing that he would be marrying Kon Di, having to forget his love for Shampoo. He looked into the crowd, noticing that Ranma was looking pretty angry. Now he would have to deal with Shampoo, without Mousse stopping her.  
  
Mousse began wondering what Shampoo thought about all of this. *If she looks overjoyed....I'll marry Kon Di and forget her. But if she looks sad...* He looked over at Shampoo. Shampoo, for some reason, looked like she was going to murder the floor the way she was glaring at it. *Ah crap! I didn't think about if she got mad! I guess I'll have to wing it...*  
  
Conditioner arrived at the alter after what seemed like an eternity. She looked at Mousse and smiled at him. The priest began the vows. Do you, Conditioner, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband. To have and to hold in sickness and in health, until death do you part? Conditioner seemed to be on cue, as if she had done this a million times.  
  
She then said the only correct phrase she had ever said in Japanese. I do. The priest nodded smiling and turned to Mousse. And do you, Mousse, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife. To have and to hold in sickness and in health, until death do you part? Mousse gulped and looked around at the reception. He saw all his friends and rivals..okay, just rivals. He had never had any real friends other than Shampoo and Kon Di...  
  
*That's right! She's my friend! I don't want to lose that, but I don't want to marry her either! I guess I could be happy, we could have little kids running around with purple hair and...but Shampoo!* He looked at Shampoo again. This time it seemed as if she were pleading with him. That decided it.  
  
I can't. The whole reception gasped, and Cologne threw a fit in her seat. Conditioner looked shocked for a moment before her eyes filled to the brim with tears. Instead of bawling like she usually did, she just slowly took off her veil. A single tear ran down her cheek and she looked up at Mousse. [Why, Muu-Tsu?]  
  
Mousse took a deep breath, because all in all, this was pretty embarrassing. [Because I love Shampoo] Conditioner cried now, not bawling, just cried. [All right. I won't bother you any more.] With that, she ran out of the Cat Cafe. Mousse sighed and looked up, but didn't quite manage, as he was hit on the head with a mallet, spatula, a bon-bori, and a ribbon wrapping around his neck.   
  
ACK! help! The girls glared at him for a minute before yelling, and leaving the building. Except Shampoo, who looked like Mousse had just killed the whole tribe. [How DARE you do that to her, and say TO HER FACE that it was because you loved me!] Mousse gave her an incredulous look. [You looked at me like you were upset! It broke my heart...] Shampoo switched to Japanese. MOUSSE NO BAKA!!! Shampoo no looking at you weird! Shampoo was choking on yakisoba noodle I ate earlier!   
  
Mousse got one of those looks he gets when some one around him does something stupid. He suddenly remembered Kon Di. *She's my friend! I must stop her from doing something rash!* With that he ran into a wall, regained his composure, found his glasses, and ran out the door. [Kon Di! Where'd you go!? Kon Di! Kon Di Xian Ur!] He ran into something. It turned out to be Ryoga. You jerk. How could you do something like that...AT YOUR OWN WEDDING! Then Mousse got a bright idea.   
  
Ryoga! I didn't see where Conditioner went! Did you? I have to find her! Ryoga looked down and figured it was for the best. All right, I'll lead you right to her. Mousse looked all happy and hugged a nearby pole. Thanks Ryoga! You're the best! Ryoga sweat dropped.  
  
~~~~~~~~Meanwhile~~~~~~~~~~  
  
A dark figure sat in his chair, somewhere deep below the earth. Slowly the figure lifted it's hand to it's crystal ball, revealing Conditioner desperately running away from her supposed wedding. If you could have seen the figure's face from beneath it's hood, you would have seen the smile spread slowly across it's face. It's been a while since I messed up some person's life. This one looks perfect. Cackling, the figure retreated into the shadows of it's lair...  
  
  
  
  
A/N-Okay okay, that was retarded. Sue me. Anyway, I haven't updated in a while. Gomen nasai! And this chapter doesn't seem like a short fic to me, but it was fun to write anyway! ^-^ Uh, Mousse seemed like a JERK to me there for a minute, so I made him act stupid. Mousse: Hey!   
Ukyo: Hahaha, you deserved it.  
Mousse: I don't think I did, who told ME that I was waking up to a wedding? Anybody? NO! So I'm not a jerk...  
Ukyo: *cough*yes *cough* you are *cough*  
Mousse:Grrrrrrrrrr...  



	8. Kukun

Disclaimer: I don't own Ranma 1/2. I don't own pepsi either, but it is good. ^_^  
  
*text*=thoughts  
[text]=Chinese  
  
**Chapter 8  
  
**Conditioner sat in the corner of some alley she had found. She didn't know if she was Nerima anymore, but she could tell she was in Tokyo. If she had cared, she would have noticed her wedding dress getting dirty from the nasty ground. But she didn't care. She had embarrassed herself in front of half of Nerima, many of her new friends, and it was Mousse's fault. Muu-Tsu. He didn't love her. Her heart rate slowed down a bit as she caught her breath. Sniffing a final time she got up and surveyed her surroundings. After all, she was an Amazon, she couldn't leave herself open to attack.  
  
She could tell she wasn't in Nerima. It was darker here, smog covered everything. She wished she were back in her village, everything was peaceful (ok, the surroundings were peaceful) and there weren't factories and tall buildings covering everything in sight. For a fleeting instant she almost would rather have been in Nerima, but that was where she had so desperately run from, to escape the torture of facing Mousse and....Shampoo.  
  
She shook her head. *No. I can't think about them anymore.* Suddenly she gasped in shock. She had been so preoccupied that last couple of months she had completely forgotten about her mission. So now she couldn't even return to her village. Now she cried.  
  
Who should appear but a large group of thugs. When I say large, I mean large to a skilled Amazon such as Conditioner. I'd say an estimate of around 100 guys that somehow fit into an alley just to harm a good looking girl in a wedding dress. Hey honey! A few of them whistled and hooted.   
  
She sniffed, wiped her eyes, and growled at their cat calls. [You picked the wrong day to try and molest me...] With a roar she jumped at them, taking out two at a time. Since she was wearing a wedding dress, however, this created several problems: 1. she didn't have her robes, so therefore, none of her usual weapons 2. her dress ripped in half, just what the sickos wanted.  
  
She wasn't as straightforward as Shampoo, and being half dressed distracted her. (Hey, who wouldn't be distracted?!) This brief moment allowed the thugs to surround Conditioner, backing her into the wall. She screamed, and just before she would have been knocked out by the men, a blinding flash of light disintegrated the thugs, leaving a shocked Conditioner.  
  
~~~~~~~Somewhere in Hawaii~~~~~~~  
  
Ryoga, are you sure this is the direction Kon Di took? It doesn't feel right to me... Ryoga rounded on Mousse. For the thousandth time, I know where we're going! Mousse shut up and followed his companion. Hey Mousse, why don't you go over to that, uh, coconut stand and order us some drinks! Mousse shrugged. Why not? With that he walked off towards a bathroom. Ryoga smile. *Great, now's my chance to ask for directions...*  
  
~~~~~~~alley, somewhere in Tokyo~~~~~~~  
  
Conditioner opened her eyes to look at the damages. Surprisingly, nothing around her had been affected by the blast. Only the thugs, who were now gone without a trace. And Conditioner looked up and saw her savior.  
  
It was a tall, dark looking man. It seemed that everything he was wearing was black. His hair (also black) was relatively short, except for two pieces that fell past his arms. He was covered by a long black trench coat. Smiling, he walked slowly towards the helpless girl, who gave him a threatening look.   
  
*Good good, it seems she was suffering even before I arrived. All the more fun for me*   
  
Conditioner was sitting in the corner, her knees pulled up to her chest. [Who are you! What do you want, you....you...] The man looked hurt. [You do not trust me even after I saved your life? I'm offended Kon Di Xian Ur.] Conditioner stuck out her tongue. *Well, at least he speaks Chinese* He smiled. *I like this human. Too bad I'm going to make her life as hellish as mine is* [I am Kurai bakari otoko Tsuyogari. Just call me Ku-kun, everyone does. I am a powerful sorcerer, and I am here to help you.] With that he offered her a gloved hand, which she reluctantly took. *I'm not sure if I should trust this Kurai bakari ot....Ku-kun*  
  
~~~~~~~Nerima, Tokyo, Cat Cafe~~~~~~~  
  
Mousse, Shampoo, and Cologne were sitting around a table in the Cat Cafe in silence. Shampoo spoke up. Mousse, Kon Di been missing two weeks! And you still no find her! Mousse looked down at his bowl of ramen. He had somehow not seen where he was going on his way to that coconut stand and ended up back in Nerima. *I wonder where Ryoga ended up...*   
  
Cologne looked up at Mousse. I am very disappointed in you, Mousse. You could have married that beautiful girl and been happy! You could have gone back to China! You could have- Let Shampoo marry Ranma? Mousse cut her off. Just for interrupting, he got whacked on the head with that stupid wooden staff.   
  
I am your elder! Mousse, now there is no way in hell that you can marry my great-granddaughter! Even Shampoo looked shocked at the way Cologne had said that. It was unusually harsh, even for her. Mousse seemed to have lost contact with his usual self since he had returned from Hawaii. It's not like you would have given me a chance anyway.  
  
With that, he walked up the stairs to his room.  
  
NEXT EPISODE: What has Conditioner been doing the past two weeks? Will anyone rescue her from Ku-kun? Does anyone CARE?!?!?! (just kidding)  
  
A/N-ta-da! I updated so quickly to make up for waiting so long last time! And I promise this will get funny again. And I thought Ku-kun's name was funny! It rhymes! Ha haha! say it out loud: Kurai bakari otoko Tsuyogari. SEE?! Anyway, he's not really as cool and evil as I was making him out to be, he's actually a pretty dumb bad guy!  
Ku-kun: I resent that  
Kon Di: Kurai-baka!!  
(ooh, look! HIS NAME MAKES A PARODY! HA! OH JOY! I'm gonna have so much fun with this OC!)  
Ku-kun: I resent that too. -_-'  
(my spell check thought that Ku-kun's should be Kookiness! ^_^)  
Ku-kun: *growls* STOP MAKING ME RESENT THINGS!!!  
  
  
  



	9. Jusenkyo cure!

Disclaimer: I own all the Ranma manga and a few OAV videos, um...2 DVDs...but I didn't make it up, I'm not that talented.   
  
*text*=thoughts  
[text]=Chinese  
  
**Chapter 9  
  
** Ryoga walked by Ucchan's okonomiyaki. Seeing a familiar landmark, he smiled (with those cut little fangs! ^^) and attempted to walk into the restaurant. We all know Ryoga, so I needn't say more than that he ended up in the Cat Cafe. And by some ironic twist of fate, Ukyo was there.   
  
Hey, Ukyo! Ryoga walked over and sat down. Where's Aka- He was cut off by Mousse. What would you like? Our special today is... Mousse trailed off and pushed his glasses up. Oh, Ryoga. You found your way home? Congratulations. Ryoga shrugged and placed his order, causing Mousse to trudge over to the kitchen.  
  
Ryoga watched Mousse leave before turning back to Ukyo. So what are you doing here? Ukyo was looking at where Mousse had been standing with a concerned look on her face. Wha? Oh, I came because of him. He's worrying me! I mean, he's lost his usual vigor. Come on, don't tell me you didn't notice, Ryoga?   
  
Ryoga sighed and reality struck. He still hasn't found Conditioner? Ukyo nodded sadly. Everyone's so worried! He hasn't even been harassing Shampoo! Ryoga's eyes widened in awe. Ukyo nodded again. Sad, isn't it? I wonder what happened to her...........  
  
~~~~~~~~~~2 weeks earlier, alleyway, Tokyo~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Conditioner stood up, grasping Ku-kun's hand. She shivered. It had suddenly gotten cold when her clothes ripped. [Here.] He tossed her his trench coat. She looked up, but seemingly he had materialized another trench coat for himself. (sorcerers, go figure) *Oh well, I might as well go with him, its not like I have a choice..* [Hey.] Conditioner looked up. [Hold on tight.] Before she could reply, she was screaming, clutching his coat as they were sucked into a giant abyss that had appeared right where they had been standing.  
  
~~~~~Kurai bakari otoko Tsuyogari's lair~~~~~  
  
Kon Di opened her eyes to reveal a huge underground structure. Her mouth went slack in wonder. The ceiling was so huge you couldn't see the top. There appeared to be a huge vat of something over in the corner. It was almost like a cavern, but you could tell by the perfect shape that something had carved it. It looked like there were doors too, as if there were separate rooms. [You like it?] She jumped, startled. She had almost forgotten he was there.  
  
[It...it's okay...] Ku-kun smiled. *All right, now to gain her trust* [All right then, Kon Di, how about we get you a change of clothes?] He snapped his fingers and some of her robes were in front of her. Smiling, he pointed to a door at the back of the main room. Once again she stuck her tongue out at him before running off to her room.  
  
A while later she came out, and Ku-kun was sitting at a table waiting for her. He had set it with all of her favorite foods. [How did you know...] Once again, he gave her that sadistic smile. [I see all, I hear all, I know all.] She rolled her eyes and sat down digging in. It was only a matter of seconds before she spat it all over him. [You jerk! If you know all' you should have KNOWN I was allergic to that!!!] Ku-kun gave her an incredulous look, a piece of ramen hanging from his nose. [Bu...but...I...I thought...] She stuck her tongue out again. Kurai baka!   
  
Kurai scowled at her. But then he remembered his plan. *Keep your cool, Ku-kun, you've gotta do this right. It should be entertaining...* He grit his teeth as Conditioner kept spitting food on him. _spit __spit._   
  
  
They went on like this for two weeks.  
  
~~~~~~~~~Present~~~~~~~~~  
  
[Kon Di Xian Ur! Your food is ready!] Kon Di bounced into the room. It was fun staying here! This guy was so stupid! *I do miss Muu Tsu though...* She lost a little bounce, but arrived at the table no less. [Here ya go, I made takoyaki!] Ku-kun was all smiles. When it came to cooking, well, he was no Akane. Ku-kun prided himself on his food. *I'm the best, I'm the best, my food is good! My food is good!* He hummed his little song in his head as he handed the plate to Kon Di.  
  
Conditioner got an evil smile. *hehehehehehehehehehehehehehe* She smiled back at him, popped the food in his mouth, chewed it up well, and spat it all over the place. [Nasty! You call this food?! God Ku-kun, you suck!] That was the last straw. *Oh well, I was gonna screw her life up today anyway.* [That's it Kon Di! You know what? I hated you all along! HA! I'm an all powerful sorcerer! You actually thought I'd be KIND and HOSPITABLE to a mortal? Don't make me laugh! You're gonna pay for that! That was quality takoyaki and you know it!]   
  
Kon Di was shocked for a minute. He wasn't just a random idiot? She smiled again. *Well, he may be evil, but he's still stupid. Watch this.* [Ku-kun?] [Yes? :)] Conditioner gave him the cutest face she could muster. [Could I write a letter to someone first? Pretty please?] Ku-kun thought about it for a minute.[Well, you said please...why not?] [YAY!]   
  
Kon Di sat down with her stationary. *Hmmmm, I bet they're all still mad at me. There's no way they'd rescue me! Wait! I have an idea!* And so, Conditioner wrote a letter to Mousse, without signing it.  
  
~~~~~~~~Nerima, Tokyo~~~~~~~~  
  
Mousse swept up the dirty floor of the Cat Cafe. Cologne hopped in on her annoying pogo stick/cane. Mousse! You have mail! Mousse looked up. He took the envelope. Hey Shampoo! The Amazon bounded in. You need Shampoo, duck-boy? Mousse nodded. Could you read this aloud to me? Shampoo took the letter.  
  
Aiyaa! It in Chinese!: [To whom it may concern, we have discovered a cure for all Jusenkyo curses. You can be normal! Never will you have to transform again! Just come to the address on the front of this letter and resc- I mean get your cure! See you there!]  
  
Mousse looked up excitedly. Is that really what it said? Shampoo got horseshoe eyes. Yes! And now Ranma will love Shampoo! We go tell him, yes?  
  
Soon, every cursed person in Nerima was prepared to go get their cure.  
  
Next time: Ranma, Shampoo, Mousse, Ryoga, Genma, and Pantyhose Taro show up at Ku-kuns lair! Why? Because Ku-kun's an idiot and he let Kon Di write a letter! ^_^  
  
A/N-taa da!! I UPDATED!!! Hooray! Sorry about the long wait, I had strep throat and a research paper due. I hope no one gave up on me!   
Pantyhose Taro: Maybe they did, you suck.  
Ku-kun: Pantyhose Taro? I haven't seen you in years buddy!  
Pantyhose Taro: NO! My name is....Awsome Taro! I missed ya Ku-kun!  
*the two hug*  
Mousse, Shampoo, and Kon Di: AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
  
  



	10. Giant vats and ice cubes

Disclaimer: Yep, I wrote Ranma 1/2. I came up with EVERYTHING! All the characters belong to me. ^_^ NOT! ^_^'  
  
**Chapter 10  
  
**Shampoo and Mousse raced back up the stairs to get on some clothes that they could wear in Nerima. They were ecstatic. Mousse even almost forgot about Conditioner! But reality struck when he reached his destination without being glomped to death. With a small sigh, he prepared to get his cure.   
  
~~~~~Kurai Bakari Otoko Tsuyogari's lair~~~~~  
  
Kon Di drummed her fingers on the table. She had finished the rest of the takoyaki when Ku-kun's back was turned. She wasn't about to give him the satisfation. Kurai was up on top of that huge vat thing in the middle of his lair. It looked as though he was stirring something. He had been cackling insanely all afternoon.  
  
Stifling a yawn, Conditioner spoke to his back. [Really, what are you doing Kurai baka?] He stopped laughing for a minute to reply. [I'M MAKING YOUR LIFE HELL! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!] Kon Di rolled her eyes. He had been saying that same thing all afternoon, and she was really getting sick of it. [All right, Ku-kun, whatever. Just hurry up okay? This is boring!] More insane cackling.   
  
Kon Di climbed up to the top of the vat and peered inside. [What is that junk?] Ku-kun looked up for a minute before realizing that she was about to fall. [EEEEEK! Kon Di, watch out!] He ran over to her side of the concoction and grabbed her just in time. He fell onto the floor and she landed in his lap. Ku-kun got swirly eyes, and Conditioner just had to stomp on his crotch before she left.   
  
~~~~~Back in Nerima~~~~~  
  
Mousse, hurry up! Shampoo want tell Airen good news! Mousse finally made it down the stairs. I told you, I lost my glasses! Okay, lets go. Shampoo grabbed his arm and dragged him along. She didn't want to waste any time on him running into a street post, or the door or anything.   
  
As Shampoo rounded a corner, Mousse flying along behind her, she bumped into a tall, masculine form. Without even looking, her instincts made her glomp. Ranma! You find Shampoo! A timid voice spoke up. Well...uh..hehe...I'm...I'm...I'm not...hehe...Ranma... Shampoo looked up and realized she was hugging Ryoga. Ah!!! Gross gross gross! Shampoo touch pig-man! Mousse glared at her. How come I'm not duck-man? Shampoo stuck out her tongue. Cause you not a man. Mousse shrugged. That's good enough for me.  
  
Shampoo remembered why she had been so excited before. Oh, pig-man! We is going to find cure for curse! You want come? Ryoga's eyes widened. I can be cured of the pig?! Yes! You come? Shampoo said exasperatedly. Ryoga's face lit up. Okay, why not? Shampoo grabbed his arm so he wouldn't wander off towards Hokkaido. Alright duck-boy, pig-man, we go to Tendo dojo! And so, Shampoo bounced off, trailing Mousse and Ryoga behind her.  
  
~~~~~Tendo dojo~~~~~  
  
AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!! I WAS FRAMED!' Akane was running after Ranma with mallet-sama, a scene we've all seen enough to make us sick. She eventually hit him, and the mallet war was over. Geez, Akane, why did I get stuck with such a violent chick with you? Just before Akane exploded again, Shampoo burst in. But she looked pretty weird this time, dragging Mousse and Ryoga along behind her.   
  
The two didn't have any time to wonder why Shampoo had the poor guys in her possessive grasp, but they didn't need to wonder, cause she told them right away. Airen! Violent girl! Shampoo have good news! Mousse get letter that say someone find cure for Jusenkyo curse! We go get cure, yes airen? Ranma brightened immdiately.   
  
Why didn't you say so earlier? Let's go! Akane was angry with Ranma at the moment, so she didn't protest. Well, good luck...jerk. Ranma smiled. See ya Just before the group had time to leave, a huge panda ran in with a few packs of food. Ranma rolled his eyes. Oh, so ya heard us, pops? The panda growled at not having received an invitation, but followed none the less.   
  
And so the oddly assorted group began to head off, or did they? Because once again, their departure was interrupted. This time, the disturber of the peace was Tarou. Where are you going? I SHALL DEFEAT YOU! Mousse looked up. We're getting cures for our curses. Would you like to come? Tarou looked as if tthat was the most ridiculous question in the world. Are you insane? I LOVE my curse! With it, i can beat the crap out of you all! Mwahahahahahahahahaha!!!   
  
The group silently agreed that they might need his help if forced to battle, so Ryoga had a bright idea for once in his life. Well, I hear the owner of the cure also knows away to legally change a person's name! Tarou looked up interested. Really? YES! All right, i'll be your MUCH needed ally, just this once. But never expect it again!   
  
And so, the group FINALLY got started on their way to the address on the front of the letter.  
  
~~~~~Ku-kun's lair~~~~~  
  
[Kurai baka!!!] Kon Di yelled, from her room in his lair. [Are you done yet? I'm tired of comtemplating my last hours on earth.] Apparently, Ku-kun didn't catch the sarcasm. He yelled back to her. [Hey, it's your fault it's taking so long! You know I had to go find some ice!] Conditioner lay back down on her bed. *Are they ever going to rescue me? This is getting old. Oh well, they'll come*   
  
~~~~~mailbox outside Ku-kun's lair~~~~~~  
  
Ranma scratched his head. Well, this is the address. But where's the house? Tarou glared at Ranma. This is probably all your fault, crossdresser. You did it on purpose to waste my time. Ryoga piped in. Hey, you came of your own free will! Mousse looked shocked. You're siding with Ranma? Traitor! Ryoga slapped his forehead. Ah! I don't know what came over me! Ranma yelled at Tarou. I'M NOT A CROSSDRESSER!   
  
Shampoo rubbed her temples and tried to block out the noise. Then she lost it. SHUT UP! STOP YELLING! WE HAVE GET IN YOU STUPID-HEADS!!!! Everyone stared at her as they waited for her breathing to slow down. then Mousse glomped Tarou. I'm so sorry Shampoo! Tarou pounded him on the head, and the fighting began again. genma held up a sign. Here we go again'  
  
Next time: A battle shall ensue with Ku-kun vs. Mousse, Ranma, Shampoo, Tarou, Ryoga, and Genma! Yay!  
  
A/N- Look! I made it to chapter ten! ^_^ Sorry for the long update, my computer broke. -_- anyway, it'll only take one or two more chapters to resolve this whole Ku-kun thing. geez, Ku-kun, you screwed up my whole short story idea!  
Ku-kun: I didn't do it on purpose!  
Mousse: You probably did.  
Conditioner: [No, he's just dumb.]  
Ranma: What?  
Conditioner: I have goo on my back! ^_^  
  
  
  



	11. The six companions

Disclaimer: Well, the voices told me I owned Ranma 1/2, but apparently they were wrong.  
  
*text*=thoughts  
[text]=Chinese  
  
**Chapter 11  
  
**~~~~~~Kurai Bakari Otoko Tsuyogari's lair~~~~~~  
  
Ku-kun sat at his table, holding his ice and trying to block out all the noise. He closed his eyes. Kon Di was yelling at him from her room, and there was some strange pounding going on somewhere above him. He perked up as it ceased for a moment, only to start up again.   
  
He growled under his breath before jumping out of his seat. That's it! I can't take it anymore!!! And with that, he went up to see who was jumping on his ceiling.  
  
~~~~~Ku-kun's mailbox~~~~~  
  
Let go of my hair! Give me back my glasses, Ryoga! I'm Ranma! Die, crossdresser! M NOT A CROSSDRESSER! Airen, no fighting! Shampoo, I'll stop!   
  
There was a flash and a loud boom as a huge crack appeared where they had been fighting. Forgetting their issues for a minute, they jumped away from the fissure to see a very angry Ku-kun appear. The hole in the ground went away, just like that. And Mousse, Shampoo, Ranma, Ryoga, Genma, and Tarou were just staring at the stranger.  
  
Genma held up a sign. Is this your house, buddy?' Ku-kun raised an eyebrow. *More mortals. Crap. Why today?* Ku-kun sighed. Yes it is, did you want something? They all jumped to their feet. (Except for Tarou, who yelled that he wanted his name changed, but he was drowned out by the other's shouts and one panda sign)  
  
Ku-kun obviosly didn't understand what they had said. Look, do you guys want to come inside? This is a case of pure misunderstanding. The crew just wanted to be cured (and a name change);Ku-kun just thought they were weird hobos with amnesia. None the less, they were all invited into Ku-kun's lair  
  
And so it was, that with another crack and wooshing sound, they all disappeared into a hole in the ground.  
  
~~~~~~~Kurai Bakari Otoko Tsuyogari's lair~~~~~~~  
  
Whoa, nice place you got here! The six traveling companions stood in awe at the huge underground structure. Ku-kun waved a hand. Yeah, yeah. He walked back over to his table and got his ice. Ranma walked over too him. Tsk tsk, what happened to you? Ku-kun rolled his eyes. My other guest' decided she didn't want me to help her. Man, I swear she was about to fall in!  
  
The companions looked at one another. Fall in where? That's when they saw the vat. Their eyes widened. That must be my cure! Ku-kun saw five of them make a run for the vat. He jumped up to stop them. No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no! Don't fall in! Watch out! Aieeeeee!!! Tarou looked at him. What happens if they fall in? Ku-kun gasped out. You don't want to know. Tarou smiled. Quick! Everyone jump in!   
  
Too late. They had already moved aside. Why can't we get our cure? Ku-kun stared at them. What? A cure? A cure for what? They all sweatdropped. Ku-kun gave them a look like they were all total idiots. You're......ALL.....Jusenkyo victims? They nodded. Ku-kun burst out laughing and materialized a bucket of water above each of their heads.  
  
He watched them transform, since they were all pretty much in a line. *Ha! That guy turns into a girl! And that ones a duck, there's a pig, a cat, that one's already a panda, and that one.....WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING?* Tarou flew over to Ku-kun and stomped on him. Ack! I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry! He quickly changed them all back.   
  
Ku-kun brushed himself off mumbling something about how he knew he shouldn't have freed that yeti, ox, crane and eel from that science lab in Jusenkyo. Well, you won't find your cures here. I don't know where you heard that I... Mousse shoved his letter in Ku-kun's face. See? You told us to come.  
  
A vein popped out of Ku-kun's head as he recognized the stationary. [KOOOOON DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!] Mousse and Shampoo looked up. [What did you say?!] Conditioner opened the door to her room. [You finished Ku-......MUU TSU! XIAN PU!!! I MISSED YOU SO MUCH, MUU TSU!!]   
  
Kon Di ran over and glomped Mousse. [Mousse! I knew you'd come, save me, I just knew it!] Mousse looked down. *How can I tell her I only came for a cure?* [Well...] Shampoo gave him a look that said to tell a white lie. He would always willingly obey Shampoo. [Yeah. I came to save you.] Kon Di smiled into his robes. [Okay! We can go home now, right?]  
  
Ku-kun appeared. Wait just a minute! Kon Di is my hostage! I can't just let you take her! Besides! I'm an all powerful sorcerer! Mwahahahahahahahaha!!! Ku-kun snapped his fingers and Conditioner was tied up in rope. [Aaaaaaaaah! Help me, Muu Tsu!] Ku-kun lifted her over the vat, and so she hung over the vat by a rope.  
  
See my wonderful plan? hahahahahahaha! Kon Di yelled to Ku-kun. [Kurai baka! Is THIS the amazing plan you've been working on all day!? You idiot!] Ku-kun pouted. [I'll have you know, it's a wonderful plan! You know what's in that vat? No! So I'll tell you! It's a mixture from every single spring in Jusenkyo! I don't know what you'll look like in the end, but it'll sure be screwed up! Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!]  
  
Mousse, Tarou, and Shampoo gasped and translated for the others. Ryoga yelled at Ku-kun. You jerk! Ku-kun laughed. I know!! Kon Di was the only one that didn't freak out. [Come on you guys! It's not like he'd really do anything to me!] Ku-kun jerked her rope, leaving her inches from the concoction. [Or not!]  
  
Kon Di screamed. [Ku-kun! Stop it! Muu Tsu! Save me! Xian Pu, anyone! Help!] Even Tarou felt bad. [Don't worry Kon Di, we'll save you!] He turned to Mousse, Shampoo, Ranma, Ryoga, and Genma. Any ideas? Ranma did. How bout we beat him to a bloody pulp!?  
  
No one was much more intelligent so they all shrugged and got out of their huddle. Tarou transformed, Genma got huge, Mousse prepared his arsenal, and Shampoo turned into a cat so she could force Ranma into Cat-fu. It seems Ku-kun is outmatched, eh? And what about Kon Di? Will she fall? But ku-kun is a sorcerer....  
  
  
A/N-I was too lazy to make a fight scene, I'll do it later. Next update definitely. On reviews, I'd especially like to thank Aqua Rosewater and Jaid Skywalker. They have been kind and supported me since the beginning. Thanks guys. ^_^ (Amber Wings did too, but I don't know if she's still reading) So! Review, and I'll probably love you forever! Ja!


	12. Into the concoction

Disclaimer: You can't see this disclaimer unless you're naked.   
  
*text*= thoughts  
[text]= Chinese  
  
**Chapter 12  
  
** The companions prepared for battle. Genma released his battle aura and became that giant (literally, giant) panda, Mousse prepared his arsenal, Tarou transformed, Shampoo transformed, and Ranma and Ryoga dropped into battle stances.  
  
Ku-kun sneered at them. Who's first? Ryoga jumped at the sorcerer. I am!!! But of course, Ryoga has no idea where he's going, and that's the last they'd see of him for a few weeks at least. Oooookaaaay...who's next?  
  
Genma put his paws up and growled. Ku-kun smiled. All right! Now to start with one of my special techiques! He started chanting in Csome old forgotten language known only for black magic. And since this is supposed to be anime, strange kanjis started floating out of his body.   
  
Genma started to shrink. Ranma yelled at Ku-kun. What the heck are you doing to Pop?! Ku-kun had finished chanting. He turned to Ranma and shrugged. Well, isn't it obvious? Come on, one of you martial artists has got to be more intelligent than that! Pathetic. Fine, I'll tell you. I'm sucking his energy from his body, which is why his battle aura is fading.  
  
Genma plopped onto the ground. He held up one of his annoying signs. I leave it....to you guys...' Ku-kun scratched the back of his head. Strange, that spell shouldn't have weakened him...oh well! Everyone sweatdropped and Ranma went over to kick the lazy panda.  
  
Ku-kun laughed. Do you see the futility of your efforts NOW mortals? I've already taken care of your two pathetic friends! A loud snore from Genma. Shampoo-neko huffed and bounced over to Ranma. She jumped onto his face. Suddenly, the whole lair shook with Ranma's frantic cries for help.  
  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! C-C-C-C-C-C-CAT! CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!CAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!!!!!!!!C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!!!!!!! WH-WH-WHY ME???!?!!! AAAAH C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-CAT!!!  
  
Ku-kun sweatdropped. Uh-huh. And that's supposed to defeat me...how? Suddenly, Ranma stopped screaming and dropped to all fours. Ku-kun's eyes widened. Shampoo fell off of Ranma as he sprung up at Ku-kun, clawing desperately at the sorcerer's face.  
  
OW! Get im off! He lifted two fingers and pointed them at Ranma, blowing a ray of electricity at the cat victim slamming the poor guy against the wall. Ranma left a huge crater and slid to the ground. He was unconscious. For the moment at least.   
  
Ku-kun's breathing was a little heavier. Now that..._gasp.....wheeze...._was a little creepy. Tarou roared in his demonic form. Ku-kun glared at him. You want to have a go? Fine, come at me. Tarou flew at him.   
  
With a quick motion, Tarou landed a blow to the sorcerer's head. However, Ku-kun was able to jump away from Tarou's kick. In one swift move, Ku-kun was on Tarou's head. Using the same technique he had used on Ranma, he gave Tarou a power surge to the head.  
  
Tarou had swirly eyes for a moment, and volts of electricity jolted through his horns. But he recovered faster than Ranma. He awoke and body slammed Ku-kun into the floor of his own lair.   
  
Speaking of Ranma, he had come out of his unconscious stupor. Ow, my head... Shampoo strutted over to him. We needn't go into another explanation of Ranma's phobia, but never-the-less he slipped back into cat-fu.  
  
Ku-kun jumped out of his hole in the ground in just enough time to escape Tarou's next assault. Just as he jumped aside, Ranma attacked him again, ripping his trenchcoat to shreds. Ku-kun growled at the martial artist.  
  
He took this time to yell over to Kon Di. [Your friends are quite annoying!] Kon Di tried to spit on him from her position above the vat. [KURAI BAKA! Don't you DARE insult them! Muu Tsu! Kick his butt! Go Ranma! Go....other guy! Go panda dude! Go Xian Pu! Go....where's the pig boy?]  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Meanwhile Ryoga is  
  
Where am I now?!?!!? Hey, an ice cream truck! WAIT FOR ME MR. ICE CREAM MAN!  
  
Is in some random American suburb  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Ku-kun's battle aura flew up. THAT'S IT! All of your stupid god-forsaken curses are driving me insane! Once again, he began the chanting. And once again, kanjis came floating out.   
  
All of a sudden, Tarou, Shampoo, and Genma were human. Tarou crashed to the ground. Argh! Why can't I fly?! Why am I talking!? Ack! I'm human! What have you done, sorcerer?! Ku-kun smiled cynnically. I have locked you all in your original forms! No more cat-fu, no more stupid pandas, and thank god, no more flying yeti ox things!  
  
Tarou looked around for a second, and plopped down to the ground. Well, I'm done. Shampoo looked at him for a second and plopped down next to him. Shampoo can do no more help here. Shampoo done too. Genma walked over and fell asleep next to them.  
  
Mousse looked at them. Are you kidding me?! Shampoo shook her head. No joke. Airen, you want sit down with us? Ranma crossed his arms. As if! I ain't never lost any martial arts anything, and I'm not losing this one!  
  
Ku-kun smiled some more. It's your funeral. Shampoo and Tarou stole Aqua Rosewater's popcorn, and proceeded to watch the match. Is good battle, yes? Tarou nodded vigorously. That crossdresser can pack a puch. And that duck guy could probably stab the guy if he put his mind to it.  
  
Ranma spun around. I'm not a crossdresser!!! Ku-kun sprung at him. An opening! He zapped Ranma again, causing Ranma to fall unconscious. Shampoo pulled him into her lap. Is all up to you, Muu Tsu! Tarou ate some of the good popcorn.   
  
Mousse looked up at Kon Di. [Hurry, Muu Tsu! That stuff doesn't look friendly!] Just as she said that, her rope began to fray and snap. Ku-kun looked up in horror. [No! Kon Di!] He and Mousse ran for the vat.  
  
Mousse sent his chains flying and pulled Conditioner to safety. But Ku-kun was still running. In an attempt to catch her, he fell in the vat. Kon Di screamed, waking up even Ranma and Genma. Everyone looked on in awe, afraid to find out just what sort of horrible creature would come out  
  
The concoction began to bubble as something rose from it's depths. The thing in the vat rose, and rose, and rose, and suddenly-  
  
END OF CHAPTER 12  
(just kidding)  
  
Ku-kun popped out. Whole and unharmed. Everyone had a big anime fall. I thought you were supposed to turn into a hideous monster! Ku-kun looked himself over. Strange, so did I. Oh! I get it! Everyone rolled their eyes. Ku-kun giggled nervously. Well, you know how your curses reverse with hot water? Well, I guess the effects of the Jusenkyo waters were cancelled when I boiled my mixture. heheheh, oops.  
  
Mousse pulled all of his chains off of Kon Di. [Are you all right?] Kon Di nodded. [Yeah. Sorry I scared you like that.] Ku-kun shrugged. Well, I guess I'll let you guys take Conditioner back. My plan screwed up. But just wait until next time! I swear I'll-  
  
He couldn't finish his sentence because at that moment, everone shoved him back into his failed mixture. Kon Di got horse shoe eyes. Kurai Baka! You smell like Ryoga! Everyone laughed.  
  
Kon Di turned to Mousse and Shampoo. [Well, I guess I'll go back to the village now] They gaped at her. [What?! Don't the laws say they'd be forced to kill you if you return without fullfilling your duties?] Kon Di shook her head. [No, I'll explain to them that Xian Pu is still working on capturing her husband.]  
  
Tarou was back with the others, translating. Ranma and Genma came up behind them. Ranma put his hand on Kon Di's shoulder. We'll miss ya, Conditioner. She sniffed and then laughed. She turned to them. Thank you all for letting me stay here. I had fun!   
  
Ku-kun came over, dripping wet, since no one else could say anything. You could speak fluent Japanese the whole time? She smiled and nodded. Yep! It was just so much more fun the other way!   
  
She turned to them for the final time. Well, good bye everyone! Maybe I'll come back and visit sometime. She started to walk away. Mousse flinched and called out to her in Chinese. [Wait a minute, Kon Di!] She turned around, giving him an inquisitive look. He enveloped her in a big hug. [I'll miss you, Kon Di.]  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Meanwhile Ryoga is  
  
Where am I now? Oh no, a drop! Aieeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!  
  
riding a rollercoaster at Silver Dollar City. ^_^ (fun)  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
A/N- THE END! I'm sad that it's over. ;_; I guess that means I'll just have to write a sequel, because I love Kon Di sooooo much! I hope you all noticed that this chapter was alot longer. But I'm gonna need somebody's help with the sequel. Email me at jplee@aristotle.net and help me with a plot for the amazing sequel to: Lather, rinse, repeat!!!  
  
I had so many wonderful reviews! Don't stop reviewing, please! I love your input! I'm sorry it took so long to update, I was in Branson, Missouri on spring break. I just want to say that you are free to use either Kon Di or Ku-kun in any of your fics! Just email me first so that I know the story and can be the first one to read it! ^_^ I love you all! Keep writing everyone!  
  
Some info about the last chapter: You see, Ku-kun never really wanted to hurt Kon Di deep down. That's why he kept trying to save her. Shampoo sat out with Tarou because she wanted Mousse to be the one to rescue Conditioner.   
  
Kon Di stuff that I never told you: The reason she had all the guns actually has to do with admiration for Mousse. She was devoted to the guy, so she created her own technique following the style of his hidden weapons. Kind of like she was the mistress of hidden..........guns or something like that.   
  
Tarou stuff; Just in case it was confusing to some people, Tarou actually is Chinese. He was born in Jusenkyo, from a village nearby. Remember? Okay, just checking  
  
Ku-kun stuff: He really is a nice guy. He saved Kon Di from the thugs, and from his own concoction several times. All he really wanted was some attention. Aw, poor ku-kun!  
  
  



End file.
